Guilty as charged

Ah, the guilt of a mother.

Today I had a wonderful idea. Beth had her gymnastics class this morning at the Y. Amy loves to go into the toddler child-watch for the duration of Beth's class, so I usually spend the hour-long session chasing Erin up and down the hallways, obsessively checking my watch to see how much longer until Beth will emerge.

But this morning I decided to have some time for myself. I decided to put Erin into the baby child-watch, so that I could run on the treadmill and lift some weights during Beth's class. Of course, Erin has never, ever been left with anyone besides her grandparents, but since the room is full of toys, I pretended to myself that she would happily enter this brave new world.

Things started out smoothly enough. Beth cheerily ran into her class, and I dutifully signed the clipboard to let the teachers know that I would be in the nautilus room. Next was Amy's turn, and she also skipped into her child-watch with a big smile. Then I headed down the hall to the baby room and showed Erin all the happy children playing in the windows. I signed her in, slapped a name tag on her back, and handed her to the woman in the doorway.

"We let them cry for 10 minutes, and then we come get you", she informed me.

Well, that's fine. My child isn't going to cry anyway, I thought.

Off I went to the gym, where I spent a happy 10 minutes running on the treadmill. But then I saw her. The child-watch lady, climbing the stairs and entering the gym. I looked down at my computerized screen, hoping that maybe if I didn't look at her she might go away. But then she appeared beside my treadmill, with the question, "You're Erin's mom, right?"

When I admitted that yes, I was in fact the mother of that little darling, she told me "she's pretty upset".

Pretty upset does not begin to describe Erin's state of mind when I returned to the baby room. I could hear her screams from all the way down the hall, and when I reached the room I could see three staff members, frantically trying to give her cheerios, toys, anything to quiet her down. She was sobbing so hard that she was hyperventilating, and when they saw me they practically ran over to the window with her.

I apologized and thanked them profusely. They handed the sobbing Erin into my arms, where she promptly put her head on my chest and stuck her fingers into her mouth. We returned to the gymnastics waiting room. Her sobs gradually turned into hiccups, and she eventually calmed down. She never left my arms, though, so I was spared the usual chasing-down-the-halls activity.

Believe it or not, even though I am feeling very guilty about putting poor Erin through that torture, I am debating trying this again tomorrow morning, when we return to the Y for Amy's gym class. I realize that those women are probably not paid a salary anywhere near high enough to listen to Erin's screams, but it sure was nice to have those 10 minutes on the treadmill.

Of course, if it doesn't work, I can still do some exercising. I probably burn more calories chasing Erin up and down the halls anyway.

Friends forever

Amy and Beth are on this wonderful, new kick. They "no longer fight". No, they are best friends, and they remind me constantly that they are never going to fight again.

I'm not sure what triggered this little phase. This past weekend they had a great time playing a game of "house" together, and suddenly they were holding hands and saying "I love you" to each other. Quite strange, especially when only an hour before, I had to physically separate them from each other in the midst of an all-out battle over a toy, and send them into separate rooms for a cooling off period. But Sunday night they went to bed chatting about "all the things they were going to do together the next day". As we turned out the light, they informed us that we would never see them fight again.

The next morning they woke up and started battling right away. From their room I heard the morning sounds of "That's MY book." and "I never said you could use the Strawberry Shortcake doll! Give it back!"

I entered their room mid-fight and reminded them of their nighttime promises.

"Oh, that's right", said Beth, instantly changing moods like Jekyll-and-Hyde. "I forgot about that. Here, Amy, you can have the doll."

"And you can have the book, Beth", returned Amy.

They trotted downstairs hand-in-hand, and rushed through breakfast. They couldn't wait to begin drawing pictures for each other. Beth drew houses and people, with the sun shining brightly, and the words "To Amy. I love you. Love, Beth".

It's been three days now, and whenever they begin to fight or argue (which is very, very frequently), I simply have to say "I thought you were going to be friends, and not fight anymore". Then, they look at each other and immediately switch from enemy-mode to friends-forever. When we picked up Beth at school today, she came running outside with an arts-and-crafts project that she had made, and gave it to Amy.

"I made this for you!" she informed Amy.

As I said, this is very strange. Very, very strange. It's completely uncharted territory for Dan and me. Have aliens abducted our children, and left these strangers in their places? Could this possibly be semi-permanent, or will it soon return to fighting-as-normal? Should we take them to the pediatrician's to be checked for some rare disease? Or should we simply relax and enjoy it?!

Any thoughts from the more experienced Moms and Dads out there?!

Some time alone

Today Amy had "one of those days". She woke up cranky and irritable, and just became more and more grouchy as the day went on. She picked fights with her sisters. Every minor bump became a major catastrophe. She cried when the TV was turned off. She screamed when she dropped a cracker and it broke to pieces. She threw a fit when she didn't like what I served for dinner.

As the girls headed upstairs to brush their teeth and take baths, she slipped and bumped her knee on the floor. Once again, the tears erupted. I was tempted to just carry her upstairs and put her to bed without a bath, just to end the chaos for the night. But I looked closely at her, and saw that she just looked exhausted. Her eyes were puffy, and her face was flushed. I sent Beth and Amy upstairs with Dan and told him to go ahead with their bath while I sat with Amy.

We cuddled up in the rocking chair, and for a few minutes I didn't say anything. Slowly, the tears stopped, and we continued to rock together. Finally, she looked up at me and said, "Mommy, it really hurts so much. Right here", pointing to her throat.

Ah, the endless cold. Amy has actually been the healthiest one in the bunch for a few weeks now, but I think it is catching up to her. I know that I myself become more short-tempered and tired when feeling sick, so no wonder her day was so rough. I offered her a special treat - a bath all by herself. She perked up immediately, saying "You mean, I could LIE DOWN in the tub?!!"

Strangely enough, I don't think Amy has ever HAD a bath by herself. Ever since she graduated from the infant tub years ago, she has had her baths with Beth, and then with Erin. But tonight, she enjoyed a long, hot tub, all by herself. By the time she was toweled off, massaged with some lotion, and dressed in her yellow blanket sleeper, her mood was markedly improved. After a few stories and her bedtime prayers, she was tucked in happily, and we heard her talking eagerly about the things she plans to do tomorrow.

Living together in one "big happy family" is wonderful, but sometimes everyone just needs some time to be alone. While Amy's behavior left much to be desired today, I still think she needed and deserved some TLC. Even three-year-olds need a little pampering sometimes.

New lyrics

If you are a frequent reader of this blog, you may recall some of Amy's interesting interpretations of popular songs. First there was the bonnie/bunny that lies over the ocean, then Raffi's "she looks like a cigarette", and... my personal favorite, Frosty the Snowman and his very shaky pole.

We're all listening to the same tapes and CD's in the car, and the lyrics sound crystal clear to me, but somehow they get a bit mixed up en route to Amy's ears. Today we drove along to the tune of "Little People" singing some old classics.

"Poor Dinah. She must have the same cold we all have", Amy mused.

"Who's Dinah?", I asked, thinking maybe she was referring to a friend from storytime or gymnastics.

"Mooommm, you know Dinah", she said with some frustration in her voice. "She's in that song...

Dinah won't you blow!
Dinah won't you blow!
Dinah won't you blow your noooosse!
Dinah won't you blow!
Dinah won't you blow!
Dinah won't you blow your nose!"

Does anyone have a tissue?

Feeling Thankful

Without being overly graphic here, I will simply tell you that the antibiotic that Erin is taking for her ear infections is wreaking some...unpleasant havoc on her GI system.

And so, tonight, I will also tell you that I am extremely grateful for the invention of disposable diapers and wipes.

I am also extremely grateful for a functioning washing machine and dryer.

I am extremely grateful for the many hand-me-down outfits that she has in her drawers, since she has probably worn almost all of them over the course of this long day.

And most importantly, I am grateful that she will be done with this antibiotic on Friday.

Best Behavior

Today the girls and I made chocolate pudding, to be enjoyed after our dinner tonight. They have only had this treat a couple of times before, so they spent the entire afternoon eagerly awaiting dessert. We ran out to the supermarket just before dinner to pick up some needed groceries, and on the way there I reminded them that chocolate pudding would only be given to the girls that were well-behaved in the store.

They behaved wonderfully, of course.

As I paid for the groceries, the woman that was bagging the food noticed how remarkably cooperative my little cherubs were, and she commented on this to Beth.

"Oh, yes", said Beth happily. "We're not always this good. Actually, Amy and I fight a lot over toys. But today we are having chocolate pudding for dessert, and we can't have it if we're bad. So that's the only reason why we're so good today".

The cashier and the bagger burst out laughing. So did I.

I felt a tad bit guilty for using the pudding as a bribe for good behavior. But not too guilty. That was a very peaceful shopping trip.

I think I'll make butterscotch pudding tomorrow.

Indoor Camping

Frigid 10 degree weather didn't keep us from going camping last night! As the winds howled outside our windows, we built a warm and cozy fire in our fireplace, and had our family camping trip in the living room. Erin was the only one missing from the camp-in, since she went off to sleep in her own crib, but the rest of us dragged sleeping bags downstairs for a night of fun. We popped popcorn and watched "Mary Poppins" until 10:30 at night, which is quite possibly the latest the girls have ever stayed up. Then we fell asleep to the sounds of the fire crackling and popping. The light from the flames danced all over the ceiling, and the girls were absolutely thrilled with this exciting change in routine.

Beth did wonderfully, and slept the entire night through in her princess sleeping bag. But Amy...well, that's another story. She woke up crying every hour or so, confused, dazed and lost. We continuously re-oriented her, reminding her of why she was lying on the living room floor in the middle of the night.

Needless to say, she was quite overtired today, but both of the girls have been begging to repeat this little adventure again soon. Beth was somewhat tired and short-tempered today, too, but that's okay. One day of dealing with cranky girls is a small price to pay.

I think that last night they made a memory that will last a lifetime.

Good luck with those medical school loans, sweetie

BETH: Mommy, I decided that I'm going to be a doctor when I grow up. But the only reason I'm going to be a doctor is so that I can see what an ear infection looks like inside someone's ear. Then after I've seen a few of them, I'll be done being a doctor, and I'll go do something else.

Growing Child

AMY (as the car stalled slightly, in the 10 degree winter weather): I think maybe we need a stronger car, now that we have a five-year-old riding in here.

Future Nurse

Erin has bilateral ear infections, thanks to this never-ending cold that she is battling. As I administered her first dose of amoxocillin this afternoon, Amy watched over me with a worried look on her face.

"Mommy, shouldn't you just pour that pink stuff right into her ears? It would work much faster that way", she said.

I explained that Erin needed to drink this medicine, but that it would still help her ears to feel better.

"Well, does it just shoot on over, from her mouth to her ears? Because once it goes into her tummy, that's just way too far away from her ears. Really, let's just try putting it right into her ears and see if that works", she instructed me.

Erin seemed to like the taste of the medicine, and she drank it down without any fuss. Then she looked at us and broke into a big smile.

"Wow", said Amy. "You were right, Mommy. That stuff works great! She's already smiling. It must just shoot on over, like I thought. Pretty cool. No more ear infections!

Future nurse? Future doctor? Future pharmacist? Time will tell. She seems pretty medically inclined to me, though.

Polly Pockets

Just in case you've never seen these dolls, let me describe them for you. Polly Pockets are tiny (about 3 inches long) plastic dolls, and each set comes with about 10 different outfits, made out of a stretchy, rubber material. With a great, great deal of effort and patience, it is possible to remove one outfit from the doll, and then slowly pull and stretch some new clothes onto the doll. Each kit includes miniscule boots and shoes, along with almost microscopic accessories such as bows and belts, hairdryers the size of a small carpenter ant, and combs and brushes that are almost impossible to hold because of their tiny size.

Beth received her first collection of Polly Pockets last week for her birthday. She and Amy absolutely adore them. When Amy "plays" with these dolls, it goes something like this:

She picks out a doll and brings the doll to me, and requests that I remove the current outfit.

I spend about 5 minutes attempting to pull the stubborn, rubber dress off of the doll, and then hand her back to Amy.

She picks out a new outfit.

She brings the doll back to me, and I spend another 5 minutes trying to re-dress the doll in her new pants and shirt, taking care not to get the impossibly long and mangy blond hair tangled up in the rubber shirt.

Amy begins to cry because the red shoes are the only ones that match this new outfit, but she can only find one shoe.

I crawl around on the rug, searching under chairs, beneath the computer desk, behind toys, etc. until finally the lost shoe is located.

I put the shoes onto the doll and hand it back to Amy.

Amy looks at the doll for exactly 5 seconds and then asks me to take the clothes off so that she can put a new outfit on.


Today it finally occurred to me. Amy is not playing with these dolls. I am.

But then again, isn't that what having little girls is all about?

Still smiling

My poor little Erin.

Her first beautiful pearl-white teeth popped through her gums about 10 months ago, but I didn't get much time to enjoy them.

After surviving the many bumps and bruises that accompany life with a toddler, I have begun to accept the fact that learning to walk and climb is bound to result in some trauma to the growing child. But when Erin broke both her two front teeth, in two separate incidents, I was horrified.

A few weeks ago, she and Beth were playing together in the kitchen, and they smashed directly into each other while running-fast-without-looking-where-they-were-going. Little Erin took the brunt of the football-style tackle, and when she crashed to the floor with screams we immediately checked inside her little mouth to locate the cause of the bleeding. And there it was. Her beautiful, still-fairly-new front tooth was noticeably broken.

We had been through this once before, when Beth broke a tooth a couple of years ago, so I knew that not much could be done unless it was jagged or turned black. I anxiously monitored the tooth over the next few days, but it seemed to be okay. When she smiled, I could instantly see the damage, but Dan assured me that I was the only one that would even notice the chipped tooth. Still, I was quite upset about her trauma.

About a week after that incident, we took a walk around the block. Erin was so proud to be toddling around with us, instead of sitting quietly in the stroller. She waved to everyone we passed, and babbled incoherently throughout the trip. Suddenly her little foot caught on a rock, and down she went, face-first onto the street. As I picked dirt and rocks out of her mouth, I instinctively knew the inevitable. We returned home so that I could clean her mouth and give her some much-needed cuddles. And once the debris was removed from her mouth, I stared in disbelief at what was once her "good" front tooth...broken in half.

I realize that this is quite common with little ones. I myself chipped a baby tooth when I was a toddler, and many of my friends have had similar incidents with their babies. But each time Erin flashes one of her beautiful smiles, I am reminded of how very difficult it is for toddlers to develop the physical skills that they work so hard to accomplish. And yet, broken teeth and all, she continues to climb the furniture. She continues to race around the kitchen with her sisters, while I run behind them frantically calling "Watch out for the baby! Don't crash into the baby!" That ability to pick yourself up, dust yourself off, cry a few tears, but then keep right on doing what you were doing is so amazing, isn't it?

Thank goodness these teeth only need to last another 5 years or so. And hopefully, by the time her sparkling new teeth come in, she'll be a bit more steady on her feet.

And you know what? Her smile is still absolutely beautiful.

Happy Birthday, Beth!

On January 10, 2002, Dan and I held our newborn baby girl for the very first time, and instantly, we became parents. We had very little understanding of the journey we were about to embark upon, and those first few weeks were a blur of sleep deprivation and feelings of incompetence. But slowly, we figured it out together. And slowly, we learned how blessed we really were to be parents to this baby girl.

Beth, with you we experienced so many things for the very first time. Your little voice was the first one to call me "Mama" and Dan "Dada". You were the first baby that we cheered for when it came time to take those first baby steps. You were the first feverish and sick baby that we sat up with all night long. From you, we have learned to be more patient. From you, we have learned to laugh more. From you, we have learned to really notice the world around us...the leaves changing colors, the squirrels outside our windows, the flowers growing each Spring. Your enthusiasm and love of life is contagious, and you bring smiles to everyone you meet.

Happy Fifth birthday, Beth. You are more special to us than you will ever know.

Can you keep a secret?

Today Amy, Erin and I ran some last-minute errands, in preparation for Beth's birthday tomorrow. Beth recently started taking Irish Step Dancing lessons, and she has been desperately wanting some dance shoes to wear to class. So, while Beth was in school, I took the little ones to the store to purchase the shoes. Throughout the ride there, I told Amy over and over that this was a SURPRISE present for Beth. I reminded her that we DON'T tell people about their presents before they open them. I convinced her that it would be fun to keep this secret together. By the time we arrived at the store, I felt fairly confident that Amy was on-board with this secret purchase.

As we drove back to Beth's school after finding the perfect shoes, I reminded Amy once again of the surprise nature of the gift. She again smiled and nodded along with me.

As we walked down the hill to get Beth, Amy piped up, "I can't wait to see Beth. I know just what I'll say to her. I'll say, "Beth, we did NOT get you a pair of dancing shoes today. You will NOT open any dancing shoes tomorrow on your birthday, because we did NOT go to the shoe store at all today and buy you some shoes. And we did NOT get any pretty wrapping paper to go with the shoes, either."

Clearly, this gift will not be a secret for long. Thank goodness we waited until the last minute to buy this gift. Only 24 more hours for Amy to get through. Any bets on whether she can make it?

5-Year-Old "Girl Talk"

Beth had her good friend over today for a playdate. (I'll call her "M", to maintain her privacy.) Last year, Beth and M were in the same class at school, but this year they are in completely different schools, so they don't get to see each other as frequently as they would like. They're both ecstatic when we arrange time for them to play!

Amy and Erin took long naps this afternoon, so Beth and M had lots of time to play together without "little sister" disturbances. Here's an example of a conversation that I overheard:

BETH: Do the chairs that you sit on at your new school have numbers on them?

M: Yeah.

BETH: What number do you sit on?

M: I sit on number twenty.

BETH: Twenty?! Wow!! I sit on number four. Twenty and four are really, really different numbers.

M: Yeah, I know. Like, if I sat on number seven or six or something, and you sat on number four, then we would be sitting on numbers that were really, really the same. Almost the same number, even.

BETH: Yeah. But our numbers are SO different. Twenty! Wow. Wouldn't it be so cool if our numbers were more the same?

M: Yeah. But they're not.

BETH: No, you're right. They're not.


And there you have it. A quick glimpse into the life of a 5-year-old.

Wilbur and Charlotte

Beth and I spent the last 6 weeks reading the book "Charlotte's Web". Most afternoons, when Amy and Erin go down for naps, Beth and I cuddle up together on the couch, to read another chapter. We missed a few days due to the chaos of the holidays, but we finally finished the book last night. It was the first chapter book that we enjoyed together, and I look forward to reading many more long books with her.

So today, we headed off to the local movie theater to see if the movie "Charlotte's Web" lived up to the book we just completed. How strange it felt to have only one little girl riding with me in the van! We chatted the whole way there about our favorite parts of the book, and talked about what we thought each character would look like in the movie. As we pulled into the parking lot, she was unbuckling her seat belt before the car even came to a complete stop, because she just could not wait to get inside the theater.

After paying more-money-than-I-ever-could-have-imagined for two matinee movie tickets, we purchased popcorn that cost almost as much as a dinner at a decent restaurant. We then headed to the theater and chose the "perfect" seats. What fun it was to spend this special time with Beth! I had to laugh a bit when she would loudly proclaim, "That didn't happen in the book", each time something differed slightly from the story we had read together. I was shocked to discover tears in my eyes when Charlotte died, and I had to sternly remind myself that it was only a spider, and a fictitious one at that!

We spent the ride home discussing how the movie differed from the book, and whether we preferred the original story or the movie adaptation. We agreed that some of the changes did add to the fun of the movie, and all-in-all we decided that it was a wonderfully made film.

Meanwhile, Amy was enjoying some special time with Daddy, while Erin napped. They made popcorn and cuddled up to enjoy some stories together. Sometimes it's so easy to just think of Beth, Amy and Erin as "the girls", so we think it's important to spend time with them individually, and make sure that they each feel very special.

Beth and Amy are rarely apart from each other (with the exception of school two mornings a week). So I did have to laugh when, on the way home from the movie, Beth piped up from the back seat, "Boy, we've been away for so long that I am starting to forget what Amy and Erin look like. We better get home fast, so I can see them again. They're probably starting to forget me, too. I can't wait to see them and tell them about the movie!"

And Amy couldn't wait to see Beth, too.

Strikes, Spares and Splits

Can you guess what we did today?! You bowling fanatics probably knew right away that the title of this entry must mean that we spent some time at the bowling alley. You are quite correct. Today, Dan and I took charge of 15 four-and-five-year-old bowlers, for Beth's fifth birthday party. There was some mild chaos, as the little ones threw balls down the lanes when it was actually someone else's turn, and more than one ball got stuck in the middle of the lane after being rolled verrrrry slowwwwwly by a tiny and quiet little girl, but all-in-all the children seemed to have a great time lobbing the balls toward the pins. Of course, the bumpers were up, so there were no gutter balls, and Beth even bowled a strike, after the ball bounced off the bumper and smashed square into the middle pin.

After cake and ice cream in the party room, we headed home, with a very happy birthday girl in the back seat. Planning birthday parties can be quite a bit of work, but it seems so important to recognize the significance of another year gone by. These first five years have been a time of incredible change and growth for Beth, and I am proud of the little person she has become. Over the last year she has truly grown into a helpful, cheerful big sister, always (well, almost always) willing to help me with tasks around the house. Each day she comes home from school eager to tell me about her new accomplishments. After enduring those few toddler years of temper tantrums and stubborn behavior, it is such a joy to watch her now.

Of course, she is not five yet, as she is quick to point out. There are still 4 more days until her "real" birthday. So for now, I'll keep enjoying special time with my four-year-old...there will be time enough to get to know my grown-up little five-year-old in the year ahead.

Walking dictionary

I apologize for the lack of postings lately, but we here have been fighting a nasty cold virus for a few weeks now. Sleep is very broken and disjointed, so I fear that my writing may be broken and disjointed as well. Unfortunately I think we shared more than just Christmas gifts with our extended family last week, and now many of the nieces and nephews, Uncles and Aunts, Grandmas and Grandpas are suffering from the same cold. Our apologies to you all!

Erin is battling the same illness that the rest of us are dealing with, but she's still managing to learn new words each day. Today, I fixed lunch for the girls, and then slowly carried my steaming bowl of soup to the table. Erin looked up, pointed at my bowl, and said "hot". I was completely amazed. I didn't even realize that she knew the meaning of this word, but somehow she understood, from the steam coming out of the bowl, that it must be "hot". She has started calling Amy "Mamy", and Beth now answers to "Ba ba". She says "up" when she wants to get up, and especially enjoys the word "baby", which she uses even when speaking of children older than she. Of course, the most useful word continues to be "uh oh", which can be utilized to respond to anything from spilled milk to Mommy crashing the side-view mirror into the garage door.

What an incredible thing it is for a baby to learn to use her voice. Her little personality is becoming more and more obvious, and we are beginning to gain little glimpses into her thoughts and feelings. She can communicate some basic needs, and even shares laughs with her sisters. It's amazing to watch her develop, and to learn more each day about this little person living and growing alongside her sisters.

And now, rather than leaving you with a witty ending sentence, I will simply take some benadryl and head off to bed. I just hope that the darling little one-year-old that I described above will also decide to sleep well tonight.

Frosty The Snowman...

...according to Amy.

"Frosty The Snowman!
Had a very shaky pole
And a corn-on-the-cob pipe
And a button nose
And two eyes made out of coal."

Repeat. Repeat. Repeat. Then repeat again.

Christmas Tree Removal

AMY (with great concern): Oh no, Daddy. Look at all the green crumbs that the Christmas tree left all over the floor. We better clean those up fast, before the ants find them.

Happy New Year!

I wish all of you a wonderful and healthy 2007.

2006 was a year filled with many blessings. Dan and I will treasure the memories we made throughout this past year, but I wonder what, if anything, Beth and Amy will remember about this time of their lives.

When Amy looks back to 2006, will she remember anything about her frightening fall and subsequent head injury? Or will she simply remember all the people that came together to care for her in the hospital, and the amazing friends and family that supported us in the weeks following her accident?

Will Beth remember how sad she felt when her first year of school ended and her beloved teacher moved away? Or will she remember the excitement of returning to preschool again in September, with new friends and a new teacher to worship?

And Erin? Of course she is too young to form any memories of 2006, but what memories will we share with her when she is older? Hopefully she will hear stories about her first steps, her first words, the many new cousins she was blessed with, and all the other wonderful events this year.

It's funny, isn't it? All the negative memories somehow drift aside with time. When Dan and I look back over the months of 2006, I think we realize just how truly blessed we were this year. We look forward to making more memories with all of you in 2007. Wishing you all a Happy New Year!!